


Build On Ruins

by Winglesss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, Hunter Dean Winchester, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Past Underage Sex, Witch Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 14:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winglesss/pseuds/Winglesss
Summary: Sometimes your past haunts you. Sometimes it bites your ass. Sometimes it knocks on your door. And sometimes your past is also your future.





	Build On Ruins

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt:  
> alpha!Dean and omega!Cas date in high school while John is hunting in the area. Dean leaves town without knowing Cas is pregnant. Years pass... And now his son Jack tracks down Dean. Wanting to know his birth father. And wanting answers.
> 
> Big thanks go to [casbean](http://casbean.tumblr.com/) for betaing and supporting me throughout the writing process

Dean has a stalker. He’s noticed yesterday. It’s not a monster, he’s quite sure about that and it’s not a human professional. They proved it by letting Dean drag them uselessly across the city for hours.

It’s been amusing at first, but it’s getting annoying and he wants to get a beer or two and go to bed.

So he hides in a side alley and pounces at his stalker. It’s easy like that, probably because the stalker is just a teenager. Dean muffles his terrified squeal by his palm as he pushes him against a wall. The boy stares at him with wide eyes. Dean can smell his fear, but nothing else. There’s no resistance, not submission. The boy is a beta.

Dean lets go of his mouth.

"What do you want?" he growls. He can feel the shiver running through the boy’s slight frame.

"Nothing!" he blurts out.

Dean pulls him off the wall and slams him back into it.

He yelps.

"You’ve been following me for days from town to town. _What-do-you-want_?"

He sniffles a little but then he straightens up and looks Dean in the eyes.

"Do you remember Castiel Novak?" he asks, voice firmer than Dean’s expected.

Dean’s heart skips a beat. Of course he remembers. How could he not? Cas has been his first love. He’s been his first heartbreak. The last nail in the coffin of Dean’s relationship with his father. Dean’s wet dream and his nightmare ever to this day.

The boy doesn’t need him to speak up, he must see Dean’s answer in his eyes.

"He’s my father," he says. Now when Dean thinks about it, he can see the resemblance. It’s in the lips, the jaw, the eyes, even the voice. "I’m turning eighteen in a few months. Do the math." He spits the words out and they hit Dean like a whip. He recoils from the boy, taking a few stumbling steps back.

He stares at the boy a litany of _this can’t be true_ playing on repeat in his head.

"What’s your name?" he asks eventually. He barely recognizes his own voice, it’s so strangled.

"Jack."

"Does he know you’re here?"

Jack shakes his head. Dean pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Where does he think you are?"

"With my friend and her parents."

"How did you get here?"

"Bus? And hitchhiking."

"You followed me by-" Dean huffs out a sigh and shakes his head.

"Let’s go to my car, I’m taking you home."

To his surprise, Jack doesn’t protest and follows him to the Impala, telling him where to go. It’s not the same small town Dean had met Cas in all those years ago.

It takes Dean half the way to the car to realize this is probably what Jack wanted, to get him to Cas.

It was a stupid idea. Taking him home is a stupid idea too, but he can’t just leave him here, can he?

It’s crazy, it’s all so crazy. He can’t believe it, he expects it to turn out to be just a cruel prank.

But a part of him knows.

"So, are you going to say something?" Jack asks after several minutes of them driving in silence.

"Like what?"

"Like why you left an omega pregnant with your kid."

"I didn’t know. _Fuck_ I didn’t know, okay?" he hits the steering wheel with his fist. Jack jumps in his seat and stares at Dean with a mix of fear and sadness.

"I didn’t know he was... My father had literally dragged me from the town! It wasn’t my choice!" He looks at Jack and realizes his eyes are burning. "You need to understand it wasn’t my choice!"

Jack worries his lower lip with his teeth, eyes intent on Dean.

"Why didn’t you try to contact him?"

"I left him the day after I slept with him! I was sure he would tell me to go fuck myself if I tried to talk to him. And to be honest I would have deserved that." He takes a shaky breath. "But I didn’t know... why didn’t he contact _me?"_

"Are you really asking?" Jack retorts bitterly.

Dean huffs out a mirthless laugh. He feels a tear running down his cheek.

 

They chat idly during the drive. Getting to know each other a little. It’s awkward at first. It seems Jack’s been inten to hate Dean but he warms up to him quite quickly.

When Dean lets himself think about the situation, it makes him want to scream in anguish, so he blocks his thoughts out and tries to pretend Jack is just a boy he’s driving home.

It gets harder when they get close and Jack starts giving more detailed directions.

Dean’s hands start to shake on the wheel and it’s getting hard to breathe.

"Dean? Are you alright?"

"No, I’m not."

Jack hesitates for a moment. "You know, I didn’t expect... I thought you would be some asshole, that you’d tell me to piss off."

"I guess you had the right to have such expectations."

Jack’s smile is lopsided. "Yeah but... I see you’re hurting."

Dean gasps for breath. "Yeah, the fuck I am. You just told me I missed eighteen years of having a son. That Cas-" his voice fails him.

Jack places a hand on his shoulder. It’s actually a bit comforting.

 

"Dad!" Jack calls when he opens the door and motions Dean in. It’s a nice little house that makes Dean’s heart ache.

"Jack? What are you doing here?" a husky voice answers from the stairs. "Molly’s parents were supposed to drive you back tomorrow mor-" a man comes to a halt at the foot of the stairs and looks at Dean. "Who the hell is-"

"Hey, Cas."

Castiel isn’t the boy Dean remembers. He might be a little taller, definitely broader. His face is an intriguing mix of hard angles and soft curves. He has stubble and there are crow’s feet around his eyes. His lush pink lips and messy dark hair are still the same. He’s gorgeous.

"Get out," he says breathlessly.

 "Dad-"

"Get the fuck out of my house! NOW!" He hurls himself towards Dean. Jack steps between them but Cas seems more than capable of pushing him out of his way.

"I’ll be back," Dean mutters so only Jack can hear him and slips out of the door.

He hears yelling as he stands in the front yard.

He thought the day when John made him leave Cas behind was the worst day of his life.

Until today.

 

Knocking on the Impala’s window wakes him up. He wipes the mist with his sleeve to see Jack’s blurry face. He opens the door.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he says rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Jack shows him two styrofoam cups of coffee and a paper bag which is holding something delicious-smelling.

"I brought you breakfast."

They sit in the front seats of the car, drinking coffee and eating croissants in silence.

"He’s really mad at me," Jack says, "and I think he didn’t sleep all night."

"Fuck," Dean sighs, dropping his head on the steering wheel. He had to drink a whole bottle of whiskey to be able to fall asleep himself.

"What did you expect, Jack? That he’d welcome me with his arms open? That we will become a happy family?"

He wants to slap himself when he sees the hurt in the boy’s eyes.

"No, I... I don’t know," Jack admits. He sounds on the verge of tears which makes Dean wish this all was just a nightmare. "I guess I just wanted answers and then..." he sniffles a little. "When you told me... I thought dad deserved to know too."

Dean bites his lip and takes a deep breath. Jack is right. Cas deserves to know. And maybe Dean even deserves the chance to tell him.

"Okay, look, I’m going to find myself somewhere to stay because if I sleep another night in the car, it’s gonna kill me." He’s getting old. "I’ll give you my phone number and we’ll make up a plan to make Cas listen to me. But he needs time."

Jack nods. "What should I tell him when I come home? Should I lie about meeting you?"

"No, don’t do that. I think part of why he’s so mad is that you lied to him."

Jack makes a guilty face, Dean sighs. "Tell him the truth, tell him I’m staying because I want to talk to him."

"Okay," Jack says but it’s obvious there’s something else on his mind.

"What is it?"

Jack doesn’t lift his eyes from the cup he’s fumbling with. "While you are staying, could we maybe..."

Dean’s heart aches again. "Jack, I’d love to spend some time with you."

The smile Jack gives him is small, it still makes Dean’s heart swell.

 

There’s a nice little roadhouse in the town. Dean gets a room there and pays for a week. He spends the rest of the day in bed sleeping off his hangover and generally ignoring the mess that his life has turned into.

He checks his phone around six and finds a text message.

_He wasn’t mad I talked with you. Asked where you stayed the night. Asked if you still had the old car of yours. He locked himself in his bedroom when I told him you have the greatest car in the world but I think things are moving in the right direction._

Dean smiles at the fact that Jack likes the car. _His son_ likes his car. The thought makes him dizzy.

 

He takes a walk around the city just to make familiar with it. He finds a nice little bakery, buys himself a piece of pie and eats it in the park watching people pass. He brushes crumbs off his pants and heads to the other end of the park, he’s about to cross the street when he stops in his track staring at the shop window across the street.

The neons are bright in the dark, hard to ignore.

_Palm and card readings. Spells. Potions. Herbs. Essential oils. Spiritual advising._

A shiver runs through his spine as he hears his father’s voice. _You should call me merciful for not killing your filthy little witch and his whole family!_

Dean shakes his head to clear it and walks closer to the shop window to peer in. It’s crammed with shelves and shelves of books and crystals and statues and all the things that one can associate with witches. There are pendulums and wind chimes and dreamcatchers hanging from the ceiling and there are little potted plants on a counter next to the window. Dean would find it quite lovely if he wasn’t conditioned to hate it.

He suddenly feels an uncomfortable tightness in his chest. This is something Cas has made. It’s a life he built for himself and it must have been incredibly hard. Dean shouldn’t impose himself on it, he should get in his car and drive as far away as possible. He should remain just a terrible memory in Cas’ head.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time and sees a text from Jack.

_Wanna go see a movie?_

He looks back at the shop, his heart heavy, then down to the phone.

 _Of course, when?_ He texts back.

 

He’s met Jack on Thursday. On Saturday they go to the movies. On Sunday, Dean buys a huge bouquet of white tulips and knocks on Castiel’s door.

He hears Cas gasp when he sees him.

"I just want to talk," Dean says as he keeps his face hidden behind the flowers, too afraid to see anger on Cas’ face again.

He doesn’t get an answer. When the pause is too long and his nerves threaten to explode, he looks over the blooms.

Castiel is staring at him. His face has matured and hardened but his eyes are still the clearest shade of blue that takes Dean’s breath away.

"Just let me explain," Dean says softly and shoves the flowers into Cas’ chest.

Cas’ eyes darken, he clenches his jaw as he takes the bouquet from him. "What’s there to explain?" he asks coldly, eyes fixed on the tulips, but he steps inside and holds the door open for Dean.

"My father was a hunter," Dean says when he’s inside the house, the door shut behind him. Cas’ lips fall apart, his eyes widen. "He dragged me away the moment he found out there was something between us. He threatened to kill you and your family."

"You’re lying," it’s barely more than a whisper.

"I’m not, Cas. You remember the werewolf. It was your family who took care of it before dad got a chance. We only stayed so long because he wanted to dig some dirt on your family, to get an excuse to execute you."

"You knew about it?"

"No! He told me when he took me away. Cas, you need to believe me, I didn’t want to go, I- I was head over heels into you."

Cas presses the flowers against his chest a little too tight. White petals fall to the floor.

"I didn’t know, Cas. If I knew, I’d be right back. I’d do anything to take care of you and-"

"Shut up!"

Dean startles at Cas’ raised voice.

"Shut the fuck up! Don’t tell me what could have been! Don’t you _dare_ to tell me what I missed!"

His chest is heaving with each breath, he’s shaking with anger.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was? To be an unmated omega with a child? My family kicked me out the moment they found out!"

"Oh fuck, Cas-"

"You can’t imagine the things I had to do to stay alive and keep Jack safe so don’t come to my house to tell me how you’d have taken care of us because _you didn’t!_ And the fact it wasn’t your fault doesn’t change a damn thing!"

There are tears in his eyes now. Dean can’t look at him.

He squeezes his eyes shut. "I’m sorry, Cas, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know I can’t fix this. If I could take back time I would but...you’re right, I can ‘t and I... I’m just terribly sorry."

He rubs his eyes and runs his hand through his hair before he looks at Cas.

"I just wanted you to know. I know it doesn’t change a thing."

Cas hesitates, smoothing a crushed bloom with his fingertips. "It doesn’t. But I’m glad I know."

Dean feels like his chest is filled with sharp shards and his heart is impaling itself on them with every beat.

"Look, Cas, I know I can’t make up for the lost time, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to stay in town and spend some time with Jack. But if you say no, I’ll leave immediately."

He knows it all must be terrible for Cas, but Dean’s hurting too. He lost his life with Cas too, he missed his son’s entire childhood. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much. If John wasn’t already dead, Dean would kill him.

Cas must see the hurt on Dean’s face because after a pause, he nods.

"As long as he wants to spend time with you, I won’t stand in the way."

Dean lets out a relieved breath.

"Thanks, Cas, really."

Cas nods and opens the door.

Dean takes a last long look of him.

Cas was just a boy when Dean knew him. He was shy and sweet and curious about the world. Now it’s all buried under a hard protective shell, but it’s all still there. Dean can see it in the way Cas cradles the flowers. It’s all still there, it’s at the arm’s reach, and Dean will never have it.

"Goodbye, Cas."

"Bye, Dean, thank you for the flowers."

 

Dean’s sitting at the bar in the Roadhouse, texting with Jack about their plans for the weekend when Ellen, the keeper of the Roadhouse leans over the counter.

"You’re smiling. I haven’t seen you smiling since you came to town," she says. Dean likes her, she’s been very motherly towards him from the start.

"Yeah, I think I got something good out of a shitty situation."

She smiles but doesn't pry.

"It looks like I’ll be staying for a while. Might need a job. Do you know about anything?"

She cocks her head in consideration. "Ever tended a bar?"

Dean gapes at her. "You’d give me a job here?"

She shrugs. "It won’t pay much. But you could keep your room and grab a burger and beer in the kitchen and keep any tips. What d’ya say?"

"That you are amazing!" Dean shouts and leans over the counter so he can throw his arms around her. She laughs into his shoulder.

 

Dean tries to give Jack as much as he can. And to his surprise, he’s actually enjoying it a lot. Jack is a good kid and it’s been years since Dean has taken any kind of vacation. So all the movies and fishing trips are welcome.

"So, you’re a hunter?" Jack says breaking the peaceful silence that only exist out in the nature. He’s cradling the only beer Dean allowed him to have like it’s a treasure.

"Yeah. But I don’t kill witches if that’s what you wanna ask."

Jack nods biting his lip. Dean gives him space to get the courage to ask the question that’s obviously on the tip of his tongue.

"You knew Cas’ family?"

Dean frowns. "Yeah, I did."

"Tell me about them," the look in his eyes is so hopeful Dean’s sad he has nothing nice to say.

"They weren’t the kind of witches Cas has become. They weren’t hurting anybody, not as far as I know, but they were only using their powers for their profit."

Jack’s listening intently, but he keeps his eyes on the lake.

"They were an old family. Very traditional. Well, let’s be honest, they were a bunch of stuck-up jerks."

Jack huffs out a laugh.

"I was still surprised they kicked Cas out," Dean adds and takes a sip of his beer.

Jack doesn’t answer. The silence is tense. It’s Dean’s turn to break it.

"How did you find me?"

A small proud smile curls Jack’s lips. "Dad stayed in touch with his brother Gabriel."

"Oh, Gabe."

"Yeah, he painted you as a major asshole. I was really surprised to find... you."

"I’ll take it as a compliment."

Jack smiles a bit brighter this time.

"Then it was a lot of googling and phone calls, but I managed to track you to the case in Wichita. You know the rest."

"Yeah, you need to work on your stalking skills."

Jack laughs. "Actually, I thought you might-"

"No."

"You don’t know what I was going to ask!"

"You were going to ask me to teach you about hunting. The answer is no."

Jack gives him a disappointed pout. It’s hard not to laugh at him, but Dean manages.

 

Dean’s in the park. Cowardly hovering in the spot where he can see the shop window but is sure Cas can’t see him.

He doesn’t want to go there, but he’s really itchy to get on a hunt and the case fell into his hands. He could find another witch, but it would be such a waste of time when he has a perfectly able witch right here. If only circumstances were different.

"Man up, Winchester," he tells himself and heads towards the shop.

Chimes sound above his head and a pleasant smell hits his nose. He wonders if it’s some kind of a spell or the light, that makes the air in the small space feel thick and almost sparkling.

Dean lets his eyes roam over shelves and shelves of trinkets before he turns to the counter. The sight almost knocks him off his feet. Cas is hunched over tarot cards, his hair is a mess, the sun coming through the window gives his skin an incredibly warm tone. Dean’s heart is already racing before Cas raises his wonderfully blue eyes to him, but then it feels like it’s going to burst through Dean’s chest.

"Who are you reading for?" Dean asks without a hello.

"Myself," Cas answers softly watching as Dean walks closer and peaks into the cards.

"Anything good?"                             

Cas gives him a long, intense look, like he’s staring right into Dean’s soul.

"Maybe," Cas replies and sweeps the cards on a pile. "What do you want?" he asks back to the cold tone Dean has almost gotten used to since he came to the town.

"I’m going on a hunt and I need some supplies."

Cas frowns but takes the list Dean hands him.

It’s interesting to watch him work. He looks so relaxed in his job, all his movements are practiced. There’s none of the teenage awkwardness Dean remembers. Cas grew into a confident man despite all the obstacles.

Dean’s glad to see that, it gives him a warm feeling in his chest.

Watching Cas work, reaching into high shelves and crushing leaves in a mortar, while he’s wearing tight jeans and a thin shirt gives him a little uncomfortable feeling in the lower areas of his body.

"That should be it," Cas says as he finishes putting everything into a paper bag.

"Okay. How much?"

Cas frowns at his own hands. "Let’s make it my contribution to keeping the streets monster-free."

"Cas, I can’t-"

"Just be safe," Cas says and pushes the bag towards Dean.

"Thanks," Dean says a little breathless - the effect of Cas’ eyes.

Their hands brush when he reaches for the back. His knees almost give up under him.

He’s glad he’s going to leave the town for a few days.

 

 "How was the hunt?" Jack asks over the phone.

"Yeah, it was alright," Dean says trying not to grunt as he rolls to his side.

"I can come over to the Roadhouse and you can tell me about it over a burger," Jack suggests excitedly.

Somethings pulls in Dean’s shoulder. He presses his fingertips to the bandage there. They come off bloody.

"Yeah, it sounds like a great way to spend the evening, kiddo, but we’ll have to leave it for tomorrow."

"Why?" Dean can actually hear the scorn in Jack’s voice. It’s so similar to his father’s.

"I’m just a little tired."

"Oh, I see. Alright. Take a rest then."

"Will do. I’m gonna call you tomorrow and we can meet so I can tell you the epic story, alright?"

"Alright," Jack says but there’s something strange in his voice. Dean doesn’t have a chance to analyze it before Jack hangs up.

 

Dean can’t really sleep because of the pain, but he drifts off and on. He wonders who turned the TV on when he hears voices before he realizes they are coming from the hallway. Then there’s rattling of the lock. He pushes himself up on one elbow, grunting, just in time to see Cas, Jack and Ellen barge in.

"Oh god," comes Ellen’s surprised gasp.

"Dean?" Jack’s concerned cry.

"You idiot," Cas’ annoyed mutter.

Dean moans and falls back on the mattress. "Go away, I’m fine."

"You are definitely not," Cas says from the side of Dean’s bed. Dean looks at him in surprise.

"Why are you here?" he asks.

"Why didn’t you tell me you were injured?" He hears Jack from the doorway.

Cas turns to his son. "Jack, please go with Ellen and bring Dean some broth. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t eaten anything."

Jack protests but by the sound of his voice getting smaller, Dean guesses Ellen drags him away.

"Why are you here?" Dean asks again. His voice is low. He’s tired. Why don’t they just let him sleep?

There’s clattering as Cas fumbles with something out of Dean’s sight.

"Because I knew you won’t go to the hospital. So I have to fix you myself."

Dean frowns and turns his head to finally see that Cas is preparing ingredients for some spell. He’s pulling them out of a leather bag.

"Why? You hate me."

Cas’ hands still. His breath comes out in a rush.

"I never said I hated you, Dean."

"But you should."

"I don’t."

Dean thinks he might be delirious. This conversation certainly can’t be real.

So he lets Cas work on him. He lets his long fingers touch his clammy skin, his husky voice to lull him. The smell of magic is sharp, so sharp it drowns Cas’ smell. Dean feels a pang of panic at its loss but then Cas is touching him again and everything is alright.

 

When Dean wakes up, his mind is much clearer because it’s not clouded with pain. He opens his eyes to see Cas standing over him. There’s still the stench of magic in the air.

"How long was I asleep?" he asks.

"Just a few minutes. The spell knocked you out."

Dean nods and reaches for his injured shoulder. The skin is still sticky with blood, but it has mended.

"Wow. Thank you," he breathes out. When a reply doesn’t come, he looks at Cas and realizes the witch is staring at his bare chest. It takes Dean a moment to realize what he’s staring at, then he instinctively covers his tattoo with his hand.

 _I wish I could protect you._ The pentagram in a circle of flames right above his heart was first drawn with a sharpie by Cas’ hand. Dean had it tattooed later after he had to leave Cas. John almost killed him when he found out but it was worth it.

"Dean..."

"I wanted to remember," Dean says softly, not meeting Castiel’s eyes.

The sound of the door startles them both.

"Are you done? I brought some soup," Jack says a tray in his hands.

"Yes, I’m done," Cas replies, putting his tools and supplies back to his bag. "Eat the soup, Dean, and take a lot of rest." He orders before he leaves the room hurriedly. His departure makes Dean feel hollow.

Fortunately there’s Jack. He sits down on Dean’s bed and hands him the food and listens excitedly as Dean talks about the hunt.

 

Dean likes the town. He understands why Cas settled here. The people are incredibly friendly and they don’t ask impertinent questions. Dean makes a few friends and when they find out he’s good with cars, he even gets opportunities to earn some extra money. He doesn’t look for cases often. He spends all his free time with Jack.

It’s easy to feel at home here.

He meets Cas on the street sometimes, he comes to Roadhouse every Friday with his friend Meg who must know who Dean is by the looks she gives him, and they see each other when Dean drops Jack home. Dean’s glad that Cas doesn’t pretend he doesn’t know him. They even talk sometimes like old friends.

" Do you want to stay for dinner? I made tacos," he says one day taking Dean aback.

"I uh... I’d love to," Dean stutters. His heart almost stops at the sight of Cas’ small smile.

It should be strange, it could be really fucking awkward, but it’s great. Cas is a great cook and the tacos are delicious. They talk about everything and anything and they laugh a lot. Jack looks so utterly happy it’s almost painful to see.

Dean offers to help cleaning after the dinner but Cas shoos him away.

"There are... there are some photo albums in the living room. Jack can show you if you want."

"That would be great," Dean grins.

They keep looking into each other's eyes for a long moment. Dean’s heart is throbbing painfully.

"Dean?"

Dean almost jumps out of his skin. He feels his cheeks burning as he turns to Jack who’s staring at them wide-eyed.

"Dean would like to see some childhood photos," Cas says. Jack makes a face.

"Do you have to?"

Dean chuckles wrapping his arm around Jack’s shoulders. "Of course I do."

 

Jack was an adorable baby. It’s mostly just him in the photos, but there are some with Cas in them. It was hard to see Cas all grown up. Seeing him as a boy again is even worse.

"You know, I had a nice childhood," Jack says. He’s sitting next to Dean, their shoulders touching. "Now that I’m grown up I see how hard that must have been. I don’t know how he managed, but when I was a kid I didn’t even know there was something wrong with our lives."

Dean nods, brushing his fingertips across a picture of a smiling Cas with baby Jack on his shoulders. His throat is too tight to speak.

The album holds the memories he should have had. All important moments of Jack’s childhood and the little unimportant moments speaking of everyday life.

The more pages he turns, the more his hands shake, the more his eyes burn.

"I-I’m sorry. I have to go," he croaks out as he pushes the album to Jack’s lap. He basically jumps to his feet and barges out of the room.

"Dean?" Cas calls as Dean passes him in the doorway.

Dean doesn’t reply, he can’t.

He gets in his car and drives until he can’t see through his tears. Then he stops the car, leans against the steering wheel and cries.

 

They don’t talk about Dean’s sudden departure the next time Dean sees Jack. And they start to spend more time together, all three of them. Cas joins them for dinner or movies.

When Jack suggest Cas might join them for their Saturday trip, Dean stomps on the spark of hope it ignites in his chest.

It’s a nice day out. Dean almost manages not to freak out every time his hand or shoulder brushes against Castiel, or when he catches Cas’ eyes.

"Hey guys, since Dean doesn't have a shift at the Roadhouse, let’s watch a movie."

Dean would like that, but he doubts Cas wants to spend the whole day in his presence. He’s been acting a bit weird all day. When Dean asked, Cas smiled and said he was just feeling a bit off. He probably wants to rest now.

Dean tries to think of a polite excuse that wouldn’t make Jack feel disappointed, but Cas speaks up before he can come up with anything.

"Okay, pick something. I’m going to make popcorn."

Dean and Jack are in the middle of banter over what they’re going to watch when Cas comes back with snacks. Dean sees him stumble and jumps to his feet to help him steady himself.

"You okay? You’re terribly pail," Dean says as he studies Cas’ face with concern.

"Yeah, I’m-" he trails off as a shiver runs through his body. There’s sweat beading on his forehead.

"Dad? What’s wrong?" Jack asks.

Dean frowns.

"Come on, let’s sit down." Dean grabs his shoulder to lead him to the couch, but Cas gasps at the contact and pushes Dean away.

Dean freezes as he catches a whiff of Cas’ smell.

"Oh."

"You should go," Cas whispers, eyes on the carpet.

Dean bites his lip, fighting the natural effect Cas’ smell has on him.

"Let me help you to the bedroom." He moves towards Cas but stops when he sees him flinch.

"No," he yelps before squeezing his eyes shut and letting out a moan.

Dean has to clench his fists to stay calm.

"It’s okay, Dean," Jack says pushing Dean gently away. "I’ll take care of him. It’s really better for you to leave."

Dean nods. He doesn’t want to leave Cas in this condition, but his smell is getting stronger and he doesn’t trust himself to keep in control around Cas.

"Yeah, right," he says after a pause and starts gathering his things.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t expect it," he hears Cas mutter as Jack leads him upstairs.

 

Dean’s shaking a little when he arrives at his room in the Roadhouse. It feels like the smell of Castiel’s heat is clinging to him. He feels a little guilty when he flops himself on the bed and pushes his pants down but he can’t help himself. His mind is full of pictures of Cas writhing naked on his bed, sweaty and slick fucking himself desperately on a dildo. Moaning, begging, begging for Dean’s cock. Dean comes embarrassingly fast with a broken cry suspiciously resembling Cas’ name.

He goes to help Ellen even though he took the night off just to distract himself from inappropriate thoughts.

The next day he’s working on Mr. Miller’s car when his phone rings.

"Dean?" Jack’s voice sounds strangled even over the phone.

"Jack! Are you alright?"

"It’s dad, he’s-"

Dean’s chest tightens. "Take a deep breath, Jack, and tell me what’s going on."

"He’s only getting worse. I’ve never seen him like that. His heats are usually pretty tame." It’s weird for a kid to talk about his parent like that, but in Jack’s case, it’s a consequence of growing up with just one parent. He had to be there for Cas because there wasn’t anybody else. Not until now.

"I’m really worried, Dean. I don’t know what to do."

"I’m coming over."

"Are you sure-"

"He’ll be alright, Jack. Don’t worry. I’ll be there in ten."

 

Dean finds Cas curled up on his bed. The room is dark and it smells of sweat, jizz and a desperate omega. Dean has to clench his teeth to keep his mind on track.

He kneels next to Cas’ bed so their faces are at the same level. Cas opens his eyes when he catches the smell of an alpha and squeezes them shut with a moan when he realizes it’s Dean. He looks exhausted. His body is burning but he’s shaking. Dean takes a deep breath through his mouth and runs his fingers through Cas’ damp hair. Cas sighs and leans into the touch.

"Cas, please, let me help you."

Cas lets out a whine and shakes his head. But Dean can feel, he can _smell_ the effect his touch has on Cas.

"Please, babe. I can make this go away. I can make you feel good, I can... I can take care of you." He leans down to press his lips to Cas’ forehead. When he withdraws, Cas’ eyes are on him. Dark and wide.

"I’m here now, Cas. I’m finally here and I want to take care of you," Dean’s almost choking with emotion. These words were on the edge of his mind ever since he saw Cas again, ever since Jack found him.

Cas stares at him for a few long and heavy moments.

"If I end up pregnant again, I’m going to kill you," he mutters at last before his hot palm touches the back of Dean’s neck. Then he’s pulling him in.

It’s just a soft press of lips at first like they’re trying to remember what to do. Than Cas opens his mouth and his tongue darts out and Dean’s lost.

It’s not like traveling back through time. They’re not teenagers again. It’s as if those eighteen years happened differently. As if they were together all that time.

Cas shifts and for a moment Dean’s afraid he will push him away, but Cas rolls on his back pulling Dean with him.

Dean hurries to climb on the bed without losing contact with Cas. Cas kicks away the covers and the smell of an omega in heat washes over Dean and makes his blood boil in his veins.

He growls into Castiel’s mouth and the omega answers with a sigh. He starts pulling off Dean’s pants while Dean kisses down his neck. His lips touch hard metal warmed by Cas’ skin. He noticed the chain disappearing under Cas’ neckline and wondered what was on it. He straightens and looks down at Cas’ chest. His breath catches in his throat.

Cas frowns. His fingers grab the chain and run down to the silver ring hanging on it. The ring that Dean had given him eighteen years ago.

_I want you to have this. Don’t ever take it off._

"Cas."

"I wanted to keep the good memories of you," he whispers in a husky voice.

Dean keeps staring down at him. His feelings for Cas never really disappeared, they faded a little, were pushed into the corner of his mind. He really thought that if Cas kept any feelings towards him, they were of the negative kind.

 _I don’t hate you_ he said weeks ago and Dean didn’t believe him. Now he does and the hope he’s feeling threatens to burn him from within.

"Fuck, Cas," he breathes out.

"Yes, exactly, Dean, that’s what I thought we were doing here," he grumbles.

Dean huffs out a laugh but he takes off his pants and helps Cas who’s tugging insistently on his shirt.

They kiss again. Dean wonders how he could have survived without Cas’ lips.

When there’s no clothes between them, Cas wraps his arms and legs around Dean, bringing him as close as possible.

Dean moves his hips a few times, his hard cock sliding over Cas’ wet hole, teasing them both. Cas bites down on Dean’s lower lip in warning and Dean finally guides his cock in.

When the head of his cock breaches Castiel’s rim, they moan in unison.

Dean keeps babbling as he pushes deeper. It takes him some time to realize he’s repeating _I’m back_ breathlessly.

Cas uses his legs to draw Dean closer like he wants them to merge together, like he’s never letting go of him.

They rock together slowly, almost languidly, their lips barely ever stop touching, they swallow each other’s moans and groans.

Cas’ cock is leaking steadily between their bellies when he starts to get impatient. He urges Dean for more, harder and Dean happily obliges.

He braces himself on his hands next to Cas’ head. Cas’ knees are pushed up almost to his shoulders so Dean can aim for his prostate with each hard snap of his hips. He’s pretty successful in that judging by the ecstatic sounds escaping Cas’ mouth.

Cas grabs his own cock and jerks it quickly. He comes when Dean’s knot starts tugging at his rim. His back arches off the bed as he spills over his hand and stomach and his body clenches so hard around Dean that he falls over the edge right after him.

There’s buzzing in his ears and fireworks under his eyelids as he collapses on top of Cas.

He’s supporting himself on his elbows so he doesn’t crush him, but they’re still pressed together close enough to feel Cas’ chest heave with a sob. He straightens up immediately.

"Cas! What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?" his voice is colored by the panic that surges in his chest.

Cas who threw his arm over his face the moment Dean lifted himself up shakes his head but another sob rips through him.

"Cas, babe, please, tell me what’s wrong."

"I hate you," Cas croaks out.  "I hate you for making me fall in love with you again."His fist falls on Dean’s chest but there’s no force behind it. "It almost killed me the last time you left and now-"

"No, no, Cas, shh, look at me, _look at me._ " There’s an undertone in his voice so urgent it makes Cas draw his arm away and he lets Dean grab his chin and turn his head so their eyes meet.

"I’m not going anywhere. That’s it if you want me to stay. I will. I always wanted to be with you, Cas, I just couldn’t. But now I can and I will."

Cas sniffs, his eyes are shiny with tears.

"Come on, Cas. You must _feel_ that I mean it. That I...that I love you."

Cas squeezes his eyes shut, a stray tear runs down his stubbled cheek. Dean kisses it off. Cas turns his head to catch his lips in a soft kiss.

They find a comfortable position to lie while knotted and Cas falls asleep almost immediately, wrapped tightly in Dean’s embrace.

 

Dean takes care of Cas through his heat. Making sure he eats and drinks and showers when there’s a lull in his need and fucking him good when it’s at its peak.

"Isn’t this weird?" he asks Jack when he’s taking a tray of food from him.

"What? My dads fucking? It’s less weird than one would think."

Dean chuckles and ruffles his hair. The bright grin that appeared on his face at the words _my dads_ stays for a long time.

They cuddle a lot. They talk too. "So, you really fell in love with me again?" Dean asks with his face pressed into the crook of Cas’ neck. He doesn’t expect Cas to even hear him.

"Hmm," Cas turns so he can look at Dean. He runs his hand through Dean’s hair as he speaks. "You aged well."

Dean chuckles. "So did you."

Cas smiles. "You were back with those eyes and those lips and freckles and you were still your charming self just...sadder. I guess I-" he trails off. Dean kisses his cheek.

"You what?"

"I saw my own sadness in you. The same sense of loss. That’s why I gave you the chance, not the tulips."

Dean grins. "But you liked the tulips."

"I did." Cas heaves a deep breath. "You were really good with Jack and you didn’t push me into anything, you just seemed genuinely happy every time I spoke to you without yelling."

"Yeah, I was. You’re pretty scary when you yell."

Cas laughs and pulls him closer, kissing the top of his head.

 

It’s four days of utter bliss, but then it ends.

"You sure you’re okay?" Dean asks when they leave the shower.

"Yeah. It’s over, thank you, Dean." Cas answers rubbing his hair with a towel. Dean has a hard time forming a coherent thought as he watches his naked body stretch.

He has to shake his head and turn away. He occupies himself with dressing up.

"Ugh, yeah, okay. I should go to work and finish Mr. Miller’s car. Then I’ll come to check on you, okay? I can bring some burgers from the Roadhouse."

"Dean?" Cas’ tone gives Dean a shiver and not the good kind.

Dean looks over his shoulder, one leg in his pants. "Yeah."

"I’m not holding you up to promises given with your cock in my ass."

Dean frowns. "Alright," he says calmly, putting his pants on and buckling his belt. "Then I’ll have to make them again," he says walking toward Cas. He’s amused by the widening of Cas’ eyes as he drops to his knees before him and takes his hands.

"Cas, please let me stay with you and take care of you and Jack. I love you and if you want me to, I promise to stay."

Cas gapes at him. His eyes impossibly wide and a little too bright, his chest heaving and hands shaking slightly.

"Get the fuck up," he whispers.

The disappointment almost makes it impossible for Dean to get to his feet but he manages.

The moment he straightens, Cas throws his hands around him and kisses him hungrily.

 

They tell Jack the same night over burgers. He smiles and laughs and looks like the little boy Dean saw in the photos. Dean feels so happy he might explode.

They start dating almost like a normal couple. Dean spends more time at Cas’ house than he does at the Roadhouse. It’s good. It’s better than anything Dean’s ever had.

Until it’s not.

Cas grows cold seemingly overnight. Dean rakes his mind for something he did or said to make him angry but he doesn’t come up with anything. He hopes it’s going to pass, but it’s only getting worse. Cas is making excuses for not spending time with him. When he does see Dean, he seems distant.

It takes Dean over a week to snap.

"Cas, please tell me what’s wrong. If I did something, please tell me so I can fix it," he begs. "Did you grow tired of me? I get it. Just tell me and I’ll fuck off. But please tell me! "

Cas sighs heavily. "It’s hard Dean. I promised to kill you and now I don’t really want to."

Dean stares at him. "You promised to kill me?"

Cas nods. It takes Dean a moment to remember. His frown deepens when he does.

"Yeah but only if-" Dean trails of, his mouth falls agape.

There’s a slow sweet smile taking over Cas’ lips.

"Cas," Dean breathes. He can’t say anything else. He’s shaking.

Cas’ expression turns to concerned. "Dean, breathe!"

Dean gasps for breath. "You, you’re-" He has to get up and start walking back and forth, trying to wrap his head around it.

Cas is watching him. "You’re not happy," he says after a moment. His disappointment is palpable.

Dean covers his face with his palms and makes a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a sob.

"Dean, say something!"

Dean throws his arms out. "Of course I’m fucking happy! I’ve never been this happy! I have no idea what to do!"

Cas is at his side in an instant and lets Dean wrap his arms around him. He rubs Dean’s back soothingly as Dean cries silently.

Dean pushes back eventually, looking Cas in the eyes. "You _are_ happy, aren’t you?"

There’s the sweet smile again. "Of course I am, Dean."

Dean laughs and pulls him in, nuzzling at his neck. "I can’t believe I’m going to experience everything I missed with Jack."

"I hope not everything. I don’t wanna be poor and homeless again."

"You won’t, Cas, I promise, you’ll never suffer again. I’ll take care of you. All three of you."

"I know."

Dean’s mourned the lost time for so long, but he learned that there’s no sense in it. All you can do is take what’s left and build on the ruins, build something new and better.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Follow me on [tumblr](http://cas-lost-grace.tumblr.com/) where you can find more fics, send your own prompts or discuss anything destiel with me. You can also support me on [ko-fi](http://ko-fi.com/winglesss).


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